Today is an incredible day.
I'll tell you why in a moment...
My last post featured the painting I created for my womb. Yep - just for her.
I let my feminine spirit flow and paint and just intuitively tell me the colours and the strokes. It sounds very 'floaty' and 'ethereal' of me, but that's how I generally create, and especially how I love to paint.
In this moment, I am absolutely awed by the flow of life and how things have fallen into place.I'll start with when I decided to create this blog. As a devotion to my femininity, that each day I feel into my connection with, and constantly come home to. It's a process of empowerment and challenge, as much of my life has had a focus on actually rejecting this part of me for a long time, in many ways.
I have been working on the energetics of acknowledging my flowing nature, my compassionate, soft and loving self more and more, especially in hard situations when my tendency from the past is to close, or control. Of course I feed my masculine as well - that is necessary. I love to be goal directed in my work, and to draw upon this to create structure and to hold that structure, though I know that if I am not choosing to step into this energy consciously, then it can easily overtake, where I forgot that I am a being of light, not seeking perfection or control, but seeking love and connection.
By the way - there are many ways to understand the dynamics of masculine and feminine, and there are many belief systems. I am writing here (and living) by the belief that I hold that we both have these energies within us, and there is one we call home and feel more alive and rooted to life when we embody that.
I know I am a feminine being.
I know my masculine is also a wonderful gift.
I got lost, for a long time.
So enter the decision for creating this blog. I met a beautiful woman who reminded me to also reconnect to my feminine core - my womb - and to hold space for it. I told her about my past, and shared with her that it had been about 6 years since I have experienced a menstrual cycle (this is called amenorrhea). Many other things happened, I released my urge to try and make it happen (something I delved into time and time again through these years) and I simply apologised to her (my womb, that is). I painted her that picture... I practiced more internal energy openings... I connected to my mother and sent her love to wherever she is since leaving this earth. I've become more physically softer in my body, and returned to a weight and shape that is most natural to me.
A few days ago, I finished the painting.
I left her there on the easel for a while, just waiting until she told me what she needed (more colours, strokes, shapes...) or whether she was finished. About a week ago she told me - I'm done.
Yesterday my childhood friend from my home back in Aus was talking to me, and asked me again if I had my period back... I told her no, but that I felt it would be soon, and that I trusted the process.
This morning I woke up.
This morning she came back to me.
Then I realized.
She never left.
She was just waiting. Patiently. Softly. Waiting for when I called to her - not from my controlling self, not from wanting to be perfect, not from anything more than the pure, feminine, unconditional love that I had for her, and that she has for me.
And now I'm off to have the mother of all self care days!